Weigh-Ins are on MONDAYS - Updated July 3, 2017

Surgery Date: October 20, 2009:

Monday, May 2, 2011

My Confidence...M.I.A.

This is a post that has bouncing around in my head for awhile now.

This is probably a weird thought, but my sense of self-confidence has been lost along with the 111 lbs.  Where did it go?  Have you seen it?  If so, please send it back to me.  I miss it.  You'd think that it should be the opposite. One should GAIN self-confidence with weight loss.


I used to have absolutely ZERO second thoughts about what clothes I would choose to wear in the morning...I looked GREAT!  I'd walk into a room and have no problems walking up to people and starting conversations. I was a very self-confident fatty.  Now I question and second-guess myself on everything.

I think my self-confidence was very much attached to my invisibility cloak.  Remember this post? 

People never used to look at the fat girl.  Heaven forbid anyone draw attention to the fat girl, that would make her feel uncomfortable, right?

Well, now I am no longer invisible...people look at me.  Good or bad, I am no longer ignored.

I still look behind me to see who people are looking at...  I wonder "do I have a booger hanging out of my nose?" or "is my fly down?"....nope...I'm just not invisible anymore.

This will take some getting used to...but how long will it take for my confidence to return?  ...I'm waiting.

13 comments:

  1. Great post as always. I've always been very confident, but find myself feeling insecure more and more. I think it's because, my fat was my buffer and my excuse if someone didn't like me, I could lable it, now....it's all me!

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  2. Want some confidence building. Walk into a bar at happy hour and count the times you are asked for a number, spoken to by a man, or had a drink bought for you. If that doesnt work, come here, I will help you out

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  3. Very interesting post. This is something that my friend and I talk about all the time, that as fat people we truly are invisible. Especially in settings where we are unknown. I hadn't thought about it this way because I just assumed that once the cloak fell off and everyone noticed me that would be good...I can see why it can be unnerving though, and this has given me something to think about. Thanks for sharing this.

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  4. I totally get what you're saying. Though I still have a LONG ways to go, I've been running into this with myself a little bit recently. I worry way more now than I ever did before. Its definitely something I don't think most people realize until they are in the process. Glad you shared. :)

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  5. I like this post - I love counter-intuitive things. I am acutely aware that more people notice me now. And I was always a confident fatty even though I often felt uncomfortable - or often hid from people who knew me when I was younger. I think you will get your mojo back and that this temporary loss is really just you adjusting to the fact that people notice you for a variety of reasons, not just for your brains.

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  6. Interesting. I still feel invisible for the most part, but I find myself wanting to try and stand out a little more. This journey is such a mystery every step of the way.

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  7. I was just talking about this with one of the ladies at my docs office. I told her that I now go out of my way to make eye contact with or chat with women who are very obese. We remember what it feels like to be ignored or invisible, and I don't want to be the person doing the ignoring. I want all women to know they are worthy and important.

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  8. Weird but I actually feel like I stick out being a fat person. I always feel like people are looking at me and judging me constantly. I wonder what I will be like once I lose this weight... I appear to be confident to others (but I am not on the inside) - great post :)

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  9. Yes! I completely get this. I am more self-conscious about my body and looking "fat" in clothes now, 110 lbs down, then I ever did before! It's bizarre.

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  10. Great post - I was self conscious about my fat body (still have 40 more lbs to go) but I am hoping when I reach my goal weight that I will have more self confidence...

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  11. Very interesting. I wonder if your more critical on yourself as well. Cause personally when I hit my highest weight I was all eff it and as the weight drops I care more about what I wear

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  12. I get this too, but for me confidence goes way up with weight loss. Still, I worry more about looking fat now!

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  13. I really loved this post. We all think that the band and losing the weight cures everything but it doesn't. We still have to work on the girl on the inside just like we did the girl on the outside. You really do look great!

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