Uh oh...
Rant alert!
I'd say that I'm usually a pretty easy going gal.
It takes a lot to get me angry.
But if you really want to torque my Twinkies, then all you have to say is "I can't believe that you ever used to be heavy...I just can't picture it. There's no way."
And if you want to really to push me to the ledge, say the above sentences every two or three weeks. Like I don't remember you said it already...last week.
I get a comment like this about once a week from various people. Of course, these are people that never knew the fatty that I was.
When this comment first started happening about a year ago, it was great. I would feel great. I would smile, thank them, and be proud of my weight loss. I would feel pride in my amazing accomplishment in losing 115+ lbs.
What happens now when you or someone says those sentences? Oh my. Heaven help you, because I have a phone filled with my fatty photos. I will make you look at EVERY SINGLE one of them until you wish you hadn't said anything to begin with. I realize that you are just stating your opinion or trying to be complimentary, but I am going to prove you wrong. I was a fatty.
The "I can't believe it" comment is similar to another statement that happens occasionally, especially from family members or close friends: "I can't even remember what you looked like when you were heavy." If you say that one, I will just roll my eyes at you. I can remember what I looked like, more specifically, what it felt like. If I close my eyes, I am instantly the fatty again.
Don't get me wrong, I am very, very happy with my weight loss success.
I just can't help wondering why these comments bug me so much now?
Welcome to Crazy Town. Population: 1. (Me)
I think the problem with comments like that is they sound like people are saying 'how could someone get so damn fat!' and that they only associate people who are overweight with a particular type of person (lazy, stupid, no drive etc). It is of course meant to be a compliment (by them saying that you aren't those things), but I wonder if that's what it taps into which makes it bug you so much. I suppose the only thing to do is accept that it's going to happen, but it won't happen forever. xxx
ReplyDeleteI hate more the comments on what I'm eating or more specifically what I'm NOT eating. When I was working and there was a meeting which included food, I'd usually pass on all of it. Some coworkers seemed to think I'd crossed some imaginary line and was making a comment about them eating all the junk. Then I would get all the urging to join in with them. "One won't hurt you." "I could not live like that." and other comments would rain down on me.
ReplyDeleteWhy do they think they know more about what I should eat than I do? Weird.
You look amazing and you worked so hard to get where you are! The transformation that you made on the outside is truly inspirational, but the one you made on the inside is long lasting and fresh!
ReplyDeleteYou are able to help others who want to be as successful as you are and that is commendable! Keeping the reminders is also very healthy but I am like you, I do not need a reminder, as I am still fat, LOL. But I do know that even when I will be at goal that I will simply close my eyes and I will be fat once again.
Hugs
I completely understand this post. Not that people have gotten to the "I cannot believe you were ever heavy" phase, but the fact that people say something that they think is a compliment but it really means something totally different to us. People need to learn to think about what they say before they say it. Especially these people that tell you the same thing at least once a month. Enough already!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, I'm very defensive of the fat(ter) me, she was a good person, I don't want people being mean about her. I still have some way to go so I don't hear that so much but I really don't like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm aware that I sound like a complete loon!
Sounds like the post-weight loss version of 'You have such a pretty face!' I don't suppose it helps that it's really hard to envisage what 115 lbs must look like so some of it is morbid curiousity. Asking every couple of weeks is just plain dumb. Good on you for showing them all the pictures and sticking to your guns. xx
ReplyDeleteSO with you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have a neighbor (frie-enemy.... btw) who looks at me and says EACH AND EVERY TIME I SEE HER "My goodess, honey...... no one would EVER believe you were as big as your were before!!!" I want to choke her, revive her, and choke her AGAIN.
I just think all this "no way, you COULDN'T have so big" banter is another passive-aggressive way to make people feel better about themselves.
Psyche...... ain't it a bitch?
People who find out I used to be a pack-a-day smoker (10 yrs ago) say the same thing, "I just can't imagine YOU smoking." Because it doesn't fit with the image they have of me. It doesn't offend me though. I can't imagine why this person has said it more than once to you, there's something off about that, but maybe try not to take it personally. They just have this image of who you "are" and what your values are, and I totally agree with Mari's first comment. Perhaps it ticks you off because it kind of implies that heavier people are lazy & don't care about themselves, or whatever negative stereotypes (too many to list!).
ReplyDeleteI think you are way too hard on yourself. Take it as it is meant...a compliment. They look at you and are so impressed with the woman you are now that they just can't imagine you being overweight. That's a great compliment. You're much harder on yourself by frequently using such a derogatory comment to describe your former self ("fatty"), especially since some of your readers look to you for support and see themselves as the "fatty" you once were and call your old self. As someone who was obese and was often called fatty by my own parents, I hate to see it when you do it to your past self, as others might misconstrue it as they too are still fatties in the eyes of a 'success story'. You may have had an outer shell that was different, but you are still the same person inside.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy and revel in the changes in yourself. Beproud in what you have accomplishmed. Others may not believe you were once obese, so take the compliment as many times as it is given and focus on your future as a healthy person and learn to let go of your former self and not seemingly dislike so much the person who you once were.
Sometimes I can't believe that tiny little you used to be a fatty either so I can understand that. But yeah...some days I want to go back and give the former super morbidly obese (ugh...still hate that term..."fatty" is much nicer) me a hug and tell her that I'm sorry that people are making fun of her/the old me. It's such a mind-f**k some days, isn't it? (I got called "tiny" on Saturday night and as nice as it was...it freaked me out a little.)
ReplyDeleteHaha, I totally pull out my phone and show people old pictures all the time!
ReplyDeleteOMG I totally could have written this post. It makes me so mad too! Or, for the people that have known me for a long time, they say, "Gee, I didn't think you need to have lost weight in the first place." ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? Yup, and then I pull out my iphone and I start flipping through the pictures and pointing out the TRIPLE CHINS I used to have. Didn't need to lose weight? Are you KIDDING me??
ReplyDeleteAnd plus, when someone says that they can't imagine me fat (especially people that I've only known for the last year, since I evolved into skinny) it just reinforces HOW IMPORTANT it is that I remember what FAT was like. I don't ever want to forget. I think it's so important to be empathetic and compassionate towards those that are at the beginning of their own journey, and they comments just fire me up and remind me of how it used to be.
Christine
www.phoenixrevolution.net
I think you are awesome! :)
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting topic for conversation. I am aware that some people consider it a compliment to say you don't look as if you spent a day in your life being overweight/obese. But when it is used in a negative way, yeah it could get pretty irritating. For me it just depends on the person saying it and the WAY they say it...most of the time I consider it a compliment, thank them and move on with life. :-)
ReplyDelete