Weigh-Ins are on MONDAYS - Updated July 3, 2017

Surgery Date: October 20, 2009:

Monday, May 13, 2013

A Passionate Love

Why do I love my "before" photos or what I endearingly call my "fat" photos so much?

I wish that I could figure out the answer to that question.

I think that I love those before pics a little too much.

Here's some evidence:


I realized this weekend that I've been carrying around my EXPIRED Oregon driver's license for about nine months now.

How useful it is to have an out of state and expired driver's license in my wallet now that I live in California. (note: sarcasm)

However, it's been chillin' in my wallet all this time.

It's now been cut up in to teeny tiny pieces and thrown into the trash.

Because that's not me anymore.


This old and cancelled passport is on my coffee table in my living room.

Even though it didn't expire until the year 2018, I had to get a new one issued with a new photo on it because customs officials and airline staff would hassle me and say "this doesn't look like you."

I think that I will file it away with my other old passports.

Because that's not me anymore. 

I have an entire folder of photos in my iPhone called "Before Photos". 

Approximately a dozen photos at the ready.

Just in case I need to whip out those photos at a moments notice should anyone ever want to see me as a Fatty.

Why would I keep FAT photos of myself?

Because that's not me anymore.

Maybe not.

I think I keep them around because that is me. 

When I close my eyes, I am her.

Perhaps it's time to say goodbye to the fatty that I used to be?


  1. Oregon puts your weight right there on the front of your license? Where any clerk or bartender can see it? SO rude!

    I could see wanting to keep those photos around. Who wouldn't want to be a walking before and after billboard?

  2. man...I didn't think of my passport...your right..thats an old fluffy photo of me that I don't look like anymore!

  3. Colorado put the weight right there on the front of the license too! I think I will keep what fat photos I have too. It's a good reminder of what I was and why I am working so hard. What photos people can find that is. :)

  4. That's funny to think about - I have photos the other way. My license has an old picture and weight that I look nothing like, and no one dares question it, LOL!! How interesting you are challenged for being so much THINNER than your photo, because I bet people are fatter than their photos all the time. :-) My passport is more current, so now I'm wondering if when we go overseas in 18 months that could possibly be an issue - I'd kind of love that, right?

    But to YOU...interesting to wonder what all your reasons are. There could be tons of reasons, and they are not "good" or "bad"...but if you feel ready to let them go, because to you it feels freeing to do so and like you are more strongly identifying with the healthier version of yourself - that seems like an exciting place to be at. xo

  5. having before pictures just shows how far you have come and is a reminder to keep on the right path so we don't get there again

  6. Wow! Big step but I bet you are ready. I must admit that I will miss the flashbacks, though.

  7. I have an attachment to mine, too. I think it is just a constant reminder.

  8. I wrote about liking my old photos last week too. I look at them a lot, and they make me happy. They are a reminder of where I've been and why I'm doing this.

    They also represent a lot of very happy memories, and I love that. I'm glad I'm not the only one who loves my before pics. But I CAN'T WAIT to get to the "after".

  9. I keep both my old badge with my before picture and my current one on my lanyard for work. Why? I don't know but it is kind of comforting to look at the two of them together.

  10. I bet you keep it because you love that fluffy version of yourself! It seems like you have a lot of compassion and love for that version of you - and I think it's perfectly healthy! I imagine if I were thinner I might have a lot of contempt for my current self...but that's a whole other issue!

  11. AnonymousMay 14, 2013

    You seem to have a good many older photos. I hold on to mine because I tried so hard to avoid the camera that there are very few photos. I never wanted to face how I was actually looking.

    Heavy or lighter- that is still me; I needed her to make the tough choices. And sometimes I need to see those old photos when I am feeling like a failure.... they help put things into perspective for me.