He Was a Vision in Blue

I went to see  Dr. Hottie my primary care doctor today. Swoon alert!

The appointment was to follow up on my blood tests/labs where they took EIGHT vials of blood from me a few weeks back. 

I totally deserved a cookie and some juice after that.

If you want to know my blood test results check it out on Facebook. Because, isn't that where all private health and medical information belongs of yours truly?

I kinda already knew that most of the results were good, since I had heard about some of them at my band adjustment appointment last week.  But not all the results were in at that time, so his office called me to set up an appointment to come in and see him.

During my appointment he asked if I was still rocking the sexiest legs ever. WAIT, that's not really what he said.  He asked about my lower leg swelling due to one of my high-blood pressure meds. 

I told him that they still looked like this at the end of the day:

Remind me to shave my legs before taking pics like this, OK?

I reminded him that sometimes us ladies like to wear skirts and cute heels in the evening when going out and don't want to scare people with our cankles.  Literally, that's what I said.  He nodded in agreement (probably laughing on the inside at what an ass-hat I am) and prescribed new high-blood pressure meds.

We also discussed how I seem to be getting some occasional upper right tummy pain about half hour after I eat.  The dreaded words "Gall Bladder" were mentioned.  So he ordered a scan or an ultra sound or something like that to take a closer look at it.

So, my questions for you: Have you had your gall bladder scanned? Removed?  What were your symptoms? Discuss.

Type 2 Diabetes Risk Assessment Tool

I just found this online tool from the Obesity Network that assesses the risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes. Dr Utkarsh Kulkarni, a physician and researcher in the UK invented the tool.

I have no idea of it's accuracy, but since I love me some numbers, percentages, and spreadsheets, I decided to give it a try with my pre-surgery stats and then using my current stats.

After plugging in my old stats, I learned that I used to have a 1 in 3 chance of getting Type 2 Diabetes within 10 years.

Wow.

I knew that I was unhealthy, but had no idea that I was THAT unhealthy.  And at age 29!

In comparison, using my current stats, I have a 1 in 25 chance of getting Type 2 Diabetes. 

Now I just gotta work on keeping my stats like that.

...and so the journey continues.

What Not To Do...

Dear Self,

Remember when you were pre-op and you watched all those YouTube videos of actual Lap-Band surgeries?  Remember how freaked out you made yourself?  Now that wasn't very fun, was it?

Well, let me give you some words of advice: looking at YouTube videos about sky-diving is causing you to get a little freaked out too.

So stop that already.

Five days to go...

What Happened at My Band Adjustment Appointment OR Where Can I Buy Myself Some Tiny Purple Panties?

OK, finally.

I've carved out some time to tell you all bout my adjustment or Lap-Band "fill" appointment on Thursday morning.  

If you can please invent a 30-hour day I'll be your bestie.  OK?

Before we get down to it, let's talk about stairs.  

My surgeon's office is located on the third floor.  

Yep, I used to ALWAYS avoid stairs. No matter where I was, the elevator was my friend. 

If I did take the stairs, I'd get hot and red-faced. I'd get all sweaty. I'd get all huffy puffy and out of breath.  That was no fun.

When I was going through the pre-op process, I made myself a promise that once I had surgery, I would never take that elevator at my surgeon's office.  Ever.  

Well, I've kept up that promise to myself.  Even when I was six days post-op and my tummy felt like I'd just ton 40 gajillion sit-ups, I slowly took those stairs. One by one.

Made it to the top and I'm not sweaty mess.
Onwards to the waiting room.

I LOVE how my surgeon's office is very accommodating to all sized patients.  Check out their chairs in the waiting room.  They get it.  They get the concept of how tiny, unsteady, plastic chairs with arms can be scary to some patients. Yay for sturdy, wide, wood chairs.

I checked in with the front desk and they gave me their standard questionnaire.

How would you answer these questions?

They haven't changed these questions.  Ever.

At least no new questions or changes in almost three years.

I could answer these questions in my sleep.

One of these days, they should secretly insert a surprise question like "What is the square root of pi?" or "If you were a color, what color would you be?"

Here are my answers:

Does your surgeon make you answer a questionnaire before a fill?

I got called back to the exam room and there were all the lovely tools that make a Lap-Band fill possible all laid out all pretty on the counter:

Oh, look what's on the wall. Some reading fun while I wait.  It's an old-school Lap-Band poster.

I want to get some tiny purple panties.

After discussing with my Nurse Practitioner my recent labs (all looked great!) and my recent hunger issues, she asked me how much fill I wanted.  Yep, that's how she rolls.  She trusts me to know my body, my band, and judge where my hunger is at.

I replied with, "0.2 ccs."

She the reminded me that may be too much and would take me up to 7.8 ccs in my 10 cc band and that was way too much fill when we tried 7.8 ccs last September.  But I told her that I would like to give it a try.  So she put in the .2 ccs.  I drank some water, it went down ok, and off I went back to work.

As I drove back to work, I was drinking my water and noticed that I could really feel it slowly moving through my band.  Hmm..  I started to doubt myself and my decision of the .2 ccs.

But I pushed on.  I started on 24 hour liquids (my surgeon's rule after a fill).

That evening when swallowing my tiny pills/meds, they got stuck and came back up.  I've never been stuck on real food.  Just pills.  This was the third time I've ever been stuck and PB'd.

The next morning, I took one of my high blood pressure pills and it went down ok.  Maybe everything was calming down?

My morning yogurt went down very slowly too.  8 oz took about 25 minutes to eat.  This got me thinking that maybe this is what a properly adjusted band is supposed to feel like?

I had Taco Bell for lunch and it went down slowly too, but nothing got stuck.

So my question to you is:

How often do you get stuck, PB, and why do you think that it happens to you?  I wanna know.

Weigh-in & Flashback Friday

New goal weight: 135 lbs (was 145 lbs)

Last week's weight: 143.2 lbs

Today's weight: 140.6 lbs

How did I lose 2.6 lbs this week? I tracked my food choices (calories and protein) and Jazzercised. 

In honor of Flashback Friday, here I am at about 250ish lbs.

South Africa ~ June 2007

In this photo, I'm wearing:

• Size 22W Lane Bryant Jeans....and they were stretchy jeans of course. 
• Size 9.5 Wide shoes. (I now wear 7.5 regular width).

Coming up tomorrow: Find out what went down (or up?) at my fill/adjustment appointment yesterday.

Who's a Hungry, Hungry Hippo?

I've been noticing for a few weeks now that I tend to get hungry about 2-3 hours after eating a high-protein (20+ grams) one cup portion of food. This is how I can tell that I need a fill/adjustment to my Lap-Band.

I called early last week for an appointment with my surgeon's office and was given the earliest appointment available: June 28.

Sigh.

Waiting that long for an appointment is just not how I roll.

So I asked to be put on the wait list, just in case they have an opening from another patient cancelling their appointment.

Therefore, I've become the  biggest pain in ass patient most pro-active patient...EVER. I've been calling every two days to ask if there had been any cancellations.

There are never any cancellations. EVER.  But I still like to call and check-in to see how the wait list is coming along. Aren't I helpful?

Then I called yesterday.  The scheduler said that just two calls before mine there was a cancellation and she hadn't even had a chance to review the wait list.  Lucky me! She was able to fit me for this morning!

But please do not tell my band...you know how bands like to start closing up the moment they hear that a fill/adjustment appointment is scheduled.  Shhh...be very, very quiet....

Having Weight Loss Surgery is Like...

This girl's gotta have FREE stuff to listen to while on roadtrips. So I've started listening to Jillian Michaels podcasts on itunes.

Just in case you  have been living under a rock  didn't know, Jillian was a trainer on The Biggest Loser TV Show for many, many seasons.

Her podcast is all about weight loss, exercise, healthy living, blah, blah...you know, the usual.

On the podcast from May 12, Jillian's guest, Dr. Katja Van Herle said, that in her opinion:


Having weight loss surgery is like going through a gender reassignment surgery.


What?!?


Huh?

Fo' sho'.  That's what she said.

I was cruisin' down Interstate 5 when I heard this and almost accidentally swerved off the road.  I have never heard anyone make this analogy.


At approximately the 20:30 mark on the 5/12/12 podcast, Dr. V talks about how the following occurs with both types of surgeries:

• There is/are a pre-op psych evaluation(s)
• The patient has to prepare to live a completely new lifestyle (through classes/counseling/etc)
• It gives the patient a second chance to life the life they want to live.
• The surgery changes the rest of the patient's life in many ways: lifestyle, relationships, how the patient interacts with others, their career, etc.

OK, maybe that's somewhat true. 

I think that since Dr. V has neither had weight loss surgery nor gender reassignment surgery, how does she really know?

One point that could be added to Dr. V's case (that she didn't say) is that some weight loss surgery patients feel like there is a "skinny person" trapped inside just waiting to emerge once they lose the weight. For the record, I have NEVER felt this way about myself. In my brain, I'll always be a fatty inside and on the outside.

I've heard on occasion the same type of comments from people on those gender reassignment surgery reality shows on Discovery channel and even an ol' school Maury Povich/Ricki Lake episode. Some say that they feel like they are one gender inside, but another gender on the outside and that inner gender is trapped inside.

Hmmm...all this thinking, over-generalizing, and stereo-typing is making my brain hurt.  I deserve of cookie.

What do YOU think?

Me-Ality Review & a Few Shopping Pics

Over Memorial day weekend on my eight hour road trip to California, I finally got my chance to experience Me-Ality and do some serious shopping.

'Cuz I live in the middle-of-nowhere Oregon.

It's kinda funny how I LEAVE Oregon to do my clothes shopping. 

If anything, the state of Oregon has taught me how to be a really good online shopper. Coupon codes are my friend.

Anywhoozle, if you remember from last week's post, Me-Ality is a body scanner that provides you with a print out of what size jeans you are in most stores and brands. It also recommends sytles that best show off or minimize your booty.

As I walked up to the scanner, I noticed there were three overly-eager Me-Ality associates trying to get anyone and everyone who passed by to try Me-Ality.


Everyone just ignored them and kept walking.


Not me.  I walked up and got started.  The associate asked me to remove all metal (jewelry/etc) and my belt (which I wasn't wearing anyway).


They asked for my email address to set up an online profile so they could email me my results.  Or if you are a conspiracy theorist, so that the Me-Ality company who is really a cover up for ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET the US government to keep track of all of us Americans with our sizes and measurements and take over our brains one day.


But wait, I digress.


Once the profile was set up, I walked into the scanner, stood on the markers, and totally sucked in my gut like my life depended on it (wouldn't you?).


It scanned my body for about 20 seconds and it was done.  I felt like I was at airport security.


My size and style print out showed that:

• My best match is Silver Jeans Co. brand size 30. 'Tuesday Flare' Low rise, Low flare. $82. Yikes. Way too spendy for this girl.
• Next best match was American Eagle brand size 10 'Skinny' Low rise jeans $39.

The associate told me that soon they would be offering bra size/style and shirt size/style recommendations. They will be emailing me and updating my online profile with this information eventually. Coolness.

So armed with my new size info and style recommendations, off I went to American Eagle.  

Skeptical about the size '10' recommendation, I grabbed sizes 6, 8, and 10 'Skinny' Low rise jeans off the shelf and went into the dressing room.  

The size 10s were HUGE on me.  I would need a belt.  The size 8 felt better, but knowing stretchy jeans, they would be baggy in a short while.  I then tried the 6s and they were too tight.  Whatevs.

This makes me wonder if the Me-Ality doesn't take into account how my extra lower belly skin (as a result from losing about 115 lbs) can be squished into jeans, unlike actual belly fat/tissue?  I dunno.

I didn't buy any jeans that day.  

I'm just more confused than I was before I began on how jacked up women's clothing sizes are in the USA.

Oh well.

Onwards to a few shopping finds!  

I still need to get a full length mirror at home.

No more standing on chairs in the bathroom. I will fall down off said chair one of these days and Pemberley will not come to my rescue:

Nine West wedges.  LOVE THEM!

Cute new top from Ann Taylor
that I got in a few different colors.
What are your thoughts on cowl necks?

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog post where I discuss the craziest weight loss surgery analogy that I have ever heard of. AND it comes from a REAL doctor. Where the weight loss surgery process is compared with another type of surgery process.  You'll never guess...!

What Happens at a Zumbathon Party?

What's a  ZUMBATHON you ask?

Well, you're in luck.

I just happen to attend a Zumbathon party this past weekend.

First, these parties can sometimes be on the 'DL'.  Ya know, all secretive-like.  So you gotta be friends with the Zumba instructors in your area so you get the coveted invites.

When you arrive, you pay the cover fee and then  strut your bad self  walk the red carpet. Strike your best pose for the paparazzi.

It's best to channel your inner RuPaul for this opportunity.

Yes, there are straight men who Zumba.
And they're usually HOT  Latino men in muscle shirts.
Gifts from the baby Jesus indeed.

My Diva face

Who is this guy 'Heisman' and
why did he get to invent this pose?
I think that I've perfected it.

Shakin' our booties to some amazin' DJ skillz

Three hours later after gettin' my Zumba on, sweating buckets, and drinking 64 oz of water...this is what I looked like when sitting on the curb all classy like in front of the club.  

I'm smiling on the inside.

Totally worn out and I had a FABULOUS time.  I can't wait to go to my next Zumbathon party!

PS: Did you see the weight loss roll call that we did on Facebook this weekend? Amazing weight loss numbers from the banded, sleeved, and even folks losing weight with the usual methods.

Weigh-in Day & a Bullet Points Extravaganza

Goal weight: 145 lbs
Today's weight: 143.2 lbs

Here's some randomness for ya, bullet style:

• I'm aiming for a new goal weight of 135 lbs (BMI: 23.0). I want to see how my body feels at 135 lbs.
• For a bunch of different reasons, I will not be going to BOOBs in Chicago this year.
• I'm having a garage sale this weekend and wouldn't you know it that I just found MORE plus-sized clothes in the back of my closet? Seriously. I think this stuff breeds and multiplies when I'm not looking.  Out it all goes!
• In exactly 15 days, I will jump out of an airplane and  fall to my death do the one thing that I have always said I would do "once I lost the weight."  Sky-Diving = Ultimate Non-Scale Victory (NSV) for me.
• I'm headed off to have my blood drawn for my annual blood work/tests this morning.  I'm hoping that the results will be just as good as last year's results.

Happy Friday!