Weigh-Ins are on MONDAYS - Updated July 3, 2017

Surgery Date: October 20, 2009:

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I Want To Be Smart Again.

I'm among friends here, right?

This is my safe space to talk about the cray-cray-crazytown (with a capital "C") going down in my head?

Well, come sit down around the campfire, let's hold hands, and sing "Kumbaya."

Can we also talk about how I know that I am not supposed to care what people think of me?

Or what people say about me?

I was a pretty confident fatty.

I owned it.

I rocked it.

Now that I'm not so much of a fatty anymore, I seem to hear more what people say about me. I guess that I care more?

Where did this insecurity come from?

I think my confidence left town when my fat blanket went away. AKA my "invisibility cloak."  People used to not see me.

I guess they see me now.

There's hardly a person out there that doesn't hear other peoples' words and occasionally wonder...

I'm wondering how in the past:
  • I used to be smart.
  • I was organized.
  • I used to be kind.
When I was a fatty, people would comment on my "inside."

It was great.

The comments were based on something that I did or finished or worked on.

Go me and my accomplishments!

Now?

It's only about the "outside" that seems to matter?

Here's what I occasionally hear now:
  • I'm skinny.
  • I'm petite.
  • I'm pretty.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some compliments as much as the next girl.

But wait.

Are we actually talking about being solely judged on one's appearance?

Gasp!

No.

Say it ain't so.

(note: sarcasm)

I guess after thirty years of only hearing about my inside, these outside comments usually make me feel kinda awkward.

I usually have no response.

Or I change the conversation topic to the reality TV shows or the weather.

I'm a conversationalist.

Maybe I do this, because in my head, the "inside" type of comments have more value to me.

Maybe I do this, because I have never learned to take a compliment gracefully.  There should be a class for compliment taking. I would be SMART in that class. I would get an "A."

Maybe I do this, because the people who saw me go from fatty to non-fatty didn't make these outside type of comments.

It's the NEW people in my life.

Now that I think about it, the outside comments are always from people who never knew me as a fatty. Isn't it fun to be new in town and meet all new peeps? (note: MORE sarcasm)

These past nine months have been interesting.

In my brain, it's not just what someone has going on on their outside, but also the inside that counts.

A complete package of kindness, generosity, and some nerdy smarty-pants thrown in for good measure.

I was raised to be a strong, smart, and confident person. 

Looks were never a priority growing up. My childhood photo albums full of rather unfortunate haircuts and mismatched outfits prove this fact repeatedly.

Now a few questions for you:

How do you handle comments about your appearance from others due to your new appearance and weight loss?

Do you have any helpful tips on taking a compliment gracefully?

Thanks for stopping by the campfire...now let's go wash this smoke smell out of our hair.

10 comments:

  1. I feel ya...I have people that I haven't seen in a while that make comments about how well I am doing. I just nod slightly with a smile, thank them and run...lol...I guess I am not all that helpful. Good luck and know that you are awesome sauce inside and out!

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  2. Compliments can be hard, especially because they can sometimes be offensive or backhanded (from the people who have watched this transition in my experience)-and it seems you've been lucky to not deal with those kind. I think a quick thank you and topic change is perfect. You have the power to change the topic to something about you on the inside. You're pretty... response "thanks, I've worked really hard to get here" or something like that.

    You know what's funny, I was contemplating the exact opposite thing yesterday. My sister said she was proud of me for working so hard and losing weight, and I thought how awesome it was to be complimented on something other than being smart for a change!

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  3. I never know what to say to people. I just usually say thank you and change the subject. It's awkward, very awkward!

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  4. Supposing these people are totally sincere in their compliments, I still can understand your questions. Also, I can see your confidence in your "before" pictures. I wish I had been that way. I just tore up the offending pictures and went on my merry way. Your way is better. :)

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  5. I have a hard time with compliments.. but I am just starting to get them... I realy have a hard time with the ones from people I work with that did not speak to "fluffy" me but now its ok to ..like they thought they could "catch" fat...lol i have some work to do in this dept too :)

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  6. I used to be complimented on if I had a cute outfit on or how well they liked my shoes back in the day... I was always the "funny" one ... you know, everyone has a fat friend and I was that fat friend.

    Now I get, "you're looking so good." And other more superficial comments. I am also being told that I am an "inspiration" to others of all sizes. That one makes my heart beam.

    I am also a completely different person than I was a year ago too. And years and years ago... I am for once, very confident and always look UP now instead of down to the ground. THAT also makes a huge difference :)

    http://bohemianburble.wordpress.com/

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  7. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I am waiting for my lapband approval now and have wondered about this. Growing up I was slim and didn't start gaining weight until my 20's. Looking back, I was a lot more insecure as a thinner person, than I am now. I don't so much care what people think as I used to when I was younger. My insecurities with my physical appearance now is more with me not liking what I see, and how I feel, and the struggle of not being able to figure out how to get to a healthier weight. I anticipate when I do get banded and begin losing weight, my confidence will go up, but more so because I will be finally accomplishing what I have tried so hard to do. I do think sometimes the weight creates this barrier that we grow accustomed too. When we get rid of that, perhaps we feel more vulnerable because that barrier isn't there, and people are noticing you more. It's sad that some people would only notice you more after losing weight, but I think that naturally people tend to initially pay attention to the most obvious. The new comments may feel awkward, but they are well deserved. Just own it!

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  8. I just saw a quote on FB that struck me, and is somewhat relevant. "Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside." I can't speak from a standpoint of having lost a significant amount of weight because I haven't and may never, but I agree that the compliments that touch upon what you value are much more meaningful. You do look great, and because I struggle with weight I know how incredibly strong, persistent and awesome a person you have to be in order to acheive that goal. So few people fight the good fight and then keep on fighting. So maybe those comments are less shallow than you think, they are a testament to your power!

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  9. LOL--too funny I have had these questions with my therapist lately...I was so used to be invisible when I was fat that it was SAFE. I have to learn to accept a complement with THANK YOU and make sure there is NO BUT thrown in. I also try to give complements...I make a point to give at least 1 or more a day to someone to make there day. I also try to make it heartfelt and truly mean something...I am working on this DAILY! Great topic

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  10. I am guilty of what Jenn was saying, too. I have been awful in the past about feeling I have to "disclaim" compliments - like when I posted recently about losing 30 pounds and got compliments I SOOO wanted to reply to people, "but if I'd only posted a side view picture - my stomach is so huge" etc etc. One mechanical thing I try to do is just say "thank you" and shut up. But I'm not sure that is your question, because from what you are posting, I think you are already handling that part fine.

    As far as maybe being bothered thinking that might be ALL they are seeing?? I really doubt that. You ARE beautiful inside and out. I think it is just that the outside is what people see right away, and it is the easiest thing to give a compliment on - if not on your body size, it might be on your hair, or shoes, or a piece of jewelry, etc. But surely you will still get compliments as they get to know you on being smart, organized, kind and a host of other wonderful things because you demonstrate those qualities all the time.

    Also, the compliment a person gives you, often shows you what THEY value. For a lot of us (sadly?) the thing we most want is to be thin or petite, but really, we do deeply value in a person those more important character qualities. But initially- I think that is the "easy" compliment to give a new friend.

    By the way...I am always amazed how you are organized enough to juggle your job, personal life, and the blog/facebook stuff. You invest so much into supporting so many people. I think this shows you are extremely caring, and you are also down to earth/humble. I admire you so much! AND I think you are skinny, pretty and petite. ;-P LOL

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