I Want To Be Smart Again.

I'm among friends here, right?

This is my safe space to talk about the cray-cray-crazytown (with a capital "C") going down in my head?

Well, come sit down around the campfire, let's hold hands, and sing "Kumbaya."

Can we also talk about how I know that I am not supposed to care what people think of me?

Or what people say about me?

I was a pretty confident fatty.

I owned it.

I rocked it.

Now that I'm not so much of a fatty anymore, I seem to hear more what people say about me. I guess that I care more?

Where did this insecurity come from?

I think my confidence left town when my fat blanket went away. AKA my "invisibility cloak."  People used to not see me.

I guess they see me now.

There's hardly a person out there that doesn't hear other peoples' words and occasionally wonder...

I'm wondering how in the past:

• I used to be smart.
• I was organized.
• I used to be kind.

When I was a fatty, people would comment on my "inside."

It was great.

The comments were based on something that I did or finished or worked on.

Go me and my accomplishments!

Now?

It's only about the "outside" that seems to matter?

Here's what I occasionally hear now:

• I'm skinny.
• I'm petite.
• I'm pretty.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some compliments as much as the next girl.

But wait.

Are we actually talking about being solely judged on one's appearance?

Gasp!

No.

Say it ain't so.

(note: sarcasm)

I guess after thirty years of only hearing about my inside, these outside comments usually make me feel kinda awkward.

I usually have no response.

Or I change the conversation topic to the reality TV shows or the weather.

I'm a conversationalist.

Maybe I do this, because in my head, the "inside" type of comments have more value to me.

Maybe I do this, because I have never learned to take a compliment gracefully.  There should be a class for compliment taking. I would be SMART in that class. I would get an "A."

Maybe I do this, because the people who saw me go from fatty to non-fatty didn't make these outside type of comments.

It's the NEW people in my life.

Now that I think about it, the outside comments are always from people who never knew me as a fatty. Isn't it fun to be new in town and meet all new peeps? (note: MORE sarcasm)

These past nine months have been interesting.

In my brain, it's not just what someone has going on on their outside, but also the inside that counts.

A complete package of kindness, generosity, and some nerdy smarty-pants thrown in for good measure.

I was raised to be a strong, smart, and confident person. 

Looks were never a priority growing up. My childhood photo albums full of rather unfortunate haircuts and mismatched outfits prove this fact repeatedly.

Now a few questions for you:

How do you handle comments about your appearance from others due to your new appearance and weight loss?

Do you have any helpful tips on taking a compliment gracefully?

Thanks for stopping by the campfire...now let's go wash this smoke smell out of our hair.